


the love club

by k21



Series: actor buddy [1]
Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Asexual Character, Backstory, Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Fanon, Gay Character, Gay Characters, Gen, Post-Canon, he had so much potential.. help, this is also me creating a version of him in my head bc he got no development on the show, this is just me projecting on buddy for 11000 words, very slight eric forman/buddy morgan, what can i say? he's my comfort character and i needed to give him a personality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:02:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k21/pseuds/k21
Summary: this is the story of what happened to buddy morgan after december 8, 1976 - a dive into his life and career afterward and how he handled his biggest secret throughout his life“no man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”–nathaniel hawthorne, the scarlet letter, 1850.
Series: actor buddy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957045
Kudos: 4





	the love club

**Author's Note:**

> honestly? i have no idea if anyone will read this - i feel like it fits a very niche audience, which is people who are a little too attached to this incredibly minor character and also people who love jgl. and hey, that's me!
> 
> anyways, i wrote this pretty much for myself but kind of felt like i should post it somewhere, just on the very slight chance that anyone else was looking for something of the sort. 
> 
> ps.. look out for all the jgl career references i make (oops)! if i took a lot from his life for this, no i didn't <3\. hope you enjoy, and if you clicked on this and are reading it: I LOVE YOU.

the love club - or, what happened to buddy morgan after december 8 1976 

There are a few things that would justify an impromptu school transfer in the middle of December. You could simply be moving, sure. Or maybe you’re getting ruthlessly bullied and can’t deal with it anymore. Another school could definitely be calling your name and drawing you in like a siren to a pirate. Perhaps all of your teachers and curriculum are just a few outdated books shy of a shitshow. 

But in Buddy Morgan’s case, it wasn’t any of those. It was being rejected. 

It was deeper than that, though, right? It wasn’t just being rejected. That was a big broken heart sized part of it, of course, but in Buddy’s situation, it was more. It was the fear of impending bullying. It was the fear of certain words and phrases being thrown around a lot more than before, and a lot more intently than before. It was the fear of a rumor with a whole lot of truth to it spreading like wildfire through Point Place. And - back to the rejection thing - it was the fear of one specific boy always feeling just a tad bit uncomfortable around him. He had the right to, Buddy guessed. He’d probably be shaken up if in the same situation. It was just a bit too much for him to bear every single seventh period.

So, after early December 1976, Buddy started researching in search of a new school. He’d transferred before - going from a public primary school to a private junior high, and then going back to public school for high school to seek a bit more of the desired experience. He knew his parents would let him transfer without making up a valid reason - they had money and they only had one child, and so therefore they usually gave him whatever he asked for. He was spoiled and privileged, sure, but at least he knew it. That was part of the reason Buddy went out of his way to be kind to everyone. Besides calling out specific people’s bullshit a few times, he had worked hard to make sure all of his actions at school and in public were out of positivity and remembered in a good light. 

Somehow, the typical “snotty and bitchy rich kid” narrative was still pushed onto Buddy by some students, despite all of his efforts of trying to be the best person he could. And God, he hated that rich kid narrative and his rich kid friends. Of course, to maintain his positive reputation that he fought for and only sometimes achieved, he would never tell anyone this. He would smile and nod and laugh along while he sat with the other snobs at lunch, and he tried to keep up this gimmick as much as he could. The only time he’d ever expressed his distaste for the predetermined clique he was shoved in was one late night to his cousin Tommy. They’d been avoiding their relatives as much as possible at their annual Morgan family Hanukkah celebration, and they wound up staying up all night together just talking. It felt good to finally get close to someone who didn’t have any rich kid preconceptions about him. Tommy lived a little bit away in Ohio, and due to his slightly messy family not making much of an effort to show up to reunions very often, the two hadn’t really spent much time together until that year. They ended up becoming great friends after that night of discussion and even became pen pals afterward. Back to the point, though, Buddy had finally opened up about his unrest he felt in his current social life and current “friend” group, and it had felt amazing. Tommy was an incredible listener and advice spewer and tried to tell Buddy to branch out and find friends that he actually enjoyed being around. Buddy didn’t take that advice, but it wasn’t because he didn’t want to - he just didn’t know how. That hadn’t been the only thing he opened up about, though. That night was also the first time Buddy had ever told anyone his biggest secret. Hard to believe, right? After knowing since he was in 4th grade and never missed an episode of The Brady Bunch, Buddy kept the big rainbow secret to himself until it came out (get it?) at 4 am on one night in his freshman year. He finally said the words to a person - “I’m gay” - and felt some instant mix of both catharsis and terror. Tommy took it well, though, and that was definitely part of why the two remained so close. 

We were talking about transferring schools, though, right? Yeah. In his search after his parents greenlighted an almost immediate transfer - he was going to finish out the semester at Point Place High and wait for the new year - Buddy stumbled upon one specific school that piqued his interest: A.C. Eames Performing Arts School. 

Now, you wouldn’t know it from his everyday presence at school, but Buddy had a huge interest in theater, acting, music - all of the sort. He felt like, in order to continue being accepted in the clique of rich kids he was forcefully placed into, he had to hide it. But whenever he got the chance to, he would enjoy a good theater production - sometimes the school putting one on, sometimes a local theater company doing an annual show, and on one occurrence, the Morgans taking a vacation to New York City over the summer and seeing a few shows (Chicago, A Chorus Line, Death of a Salesman - they’re rich, remember?). If he’d been able to, Buddy would’ve been all over being a part of some kind of acting scene - he’d always been particularly interested in movie and TV actors. He didn’t know if he was any good at it, besides the monologues he sometimes learned and performed for fun when he was home alone. He had thought before that attending a new high school would be the perfect opportunity to restart his reputation and the way everyone around him perceived him. He could finally get into something he had been wanting to try for so long - not to mention around people that were probably more open-minded and accepting than he had encountered before. It all seemed so perfect, and so he approached his parents with his new idea. When they approved it - because again, they approve pretty much anything he suggests - he had to deal with the next step: Getting accepted. 

Stating again, Buddy had no clue if he was good at acting. At all. But he had to try, right? And so he did, and somehow, he ended up actually having the talent and being accepted into the school. Before you ask, yes, it was because of his talent, and not his parents’ money. It felt weird for him to discover this talent 17 years into his life, but it was better slightly late than never, right? 

So, he got through December, which became his last month at Point Place High School. No rumors about his sexuality flew up like he was worried about after kissing a straight boy with a large friend group. Maybe getting rejected by a skinny heterosexual was fate, designed to open him up to the world he had always wanted to be apart of and encourage him to finally join it. On his last day of school, he said goodbye to his scrawny (but undeniably cute - that’s what got him into all of this in the first place) lab partner and made a promise to try and keep in touch, since they’d agreed to still be friends after the incident in Buddy’s car. He didn’t know how well that promise would be kept up by either end, but a small part of him hoped they would either stay friends or at the very least reconnect someday. Buddy was still going to live in Point Place and just take a long drive to his new school every morning and afternoon (he liked his car enough to be okay with spending lots of extended periods of time in it, and his Elton John and Queen cassettes would make for good rides), but it wasn’t like he and his lab partner could or would hang out much outside of school. If anything, Buddy was going to go out of his way to avoid him - which sounds bad, but is really just because he doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. Plus, he was badly afraid of the kid’s friends - they were nice people, but he didn’t need to live with the knowledge and reminder that all of them definitely knew he was gay. 

That winter, Tommy’s family came to the Morgan celebration again, no doubt prompted and encouraged by Tommy so he could see his favorite cousin again. Buddy was really excited since he hadn’t been able to share every little detail about his life in his letters - especially the gay part. He had an overwhelming fear that someone other than Tommy would read his letters, whether it be his aunt and uncle, or his little cousin Bianca. She was a nosy one, for sure. So, Buddy kept his sexuality and all gossip related to that out of his letters and decided to keep it all for when he saw Tommy next. He also had left out a few small details about Eames PAS, but that was just because he didn’t want his letters to drag on too much.

The two boys reunited and once again were able to successfully avoid their extended family for most of the day. Tommy filled Buddy in on all the girls at his school he had crushes on, all the hard rock albums he listened to, all the weird antics he and his friends got up to, and all the stupid things that went on at his Ohio high school. Buddy filled Tommy in on the bitchy things his ex-clique said and did, the latest David Bowie album, and the new clothes he’d gotten and worn nonstop the past few months (what could he say, he was an outfit repeater). But most importantly, Buddy told his cousin about what had happened just that month. He spilled his guts on the whole ordeal with his straight lab partner and how they’d locked lips. He progressed into how this is what ultimately pushed him into transferring schools, which Tommy had heard a bit of in his letters. He filled him in on all the little details he knew about ACEPAS (quite the acronym, isn’t it?) and gushed about how excited he was to start his new life, even if he would only have a year and a half there. The cousins talked all night, like they had two years before, and walked away with an even closer bond. They also walked away with Bianca hating them both even more than she already did, since they’d excluded her the whole time. Buddy felt a bit bad but ultimately wasn’t sure if he would be able to come clean to her about most of what he talked about. He hoped that someday he would be able to tell her and she would forgive him for leaving her out at the Hanukkah party, but for now, he just had to live with it. 

And so, Buddy’s first day at ACEPAS came, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. He had high hopes, but in the back of his mind was this nagging thought that it wasn’t going to be what he wanted. That voice was silenced the second he walked into the door and felt so much talent and creativity radiating off the other students and washing onto him. School was no longer the bane of his existence and became one of his happy places - something he never ever thought he’d be able to say. One thing, though, is that while he had been right about the students being accepting and open-minded when it came to hobbies, he was wrong about them being accepting and open-minded about the whole gay thing. He decided not to test his luck right away, and was smart in doing so, as he randomly got a few choice words thrown at him his second week there. Buddy was not about to let that take away from his experience at the school, though. And, even though he was no longer a part of some snobby rich kid clique and no longer felt like he had to prove he was kind, he continued to be overwhelmingly nice to everyone around him. It had just become a part of who he was, and it felt good to always spew positivity towards his classmates. 

He made a few good friends in his time at Eames, too. One standout was Maia Hudson, an aspiring playwright who he had met at lunch on his first day. She was sitting alone, and since he didn’t know anyone, he thought he might as well start there. Soon enough, the two hit it off really well and started hanging out all the time. One night, while they sat in Buddy’s car and ate sandwiches - teenager things, right? - the two of them both got into a sentimental opening up mood, almost like Buddy had felt with Tommy two years before. So, in one conversation while parked in an empty lot by a high school stadium, the two revealed a few things. First, Maia showed Buddy her most rebellious act, which was a lot, considering she rebelled against her parents and family a ton and almost made it like a personality trait. This act was a tattoo on her rib that she had gotten done by a few of the art kids at a party the year before. It hurt like hell, according to her recollection of it, but having her favorite painting - Vermeer’s Girl With A Pearl Earring - on her body forever was worth it. The next thing that came out was Buddy’s past with his old “friends”. Then, Maia said something that changed Buddy’s life forever. 

“Oh yeah, I’m bisexual. How about that?”

This was his first time meeting another gay person. Ever. And so naturally, the next thing that spilled out of his mouth was, “Seriously? I’m gay!”. Ten simple (or not so simple) words made them closer and bonded the pair for life. 

There was also another kid, Arthur James. Arthur was a musician and played the guitar and drums like he was blessed by every god from every religion ever. Buddy developed a friendship with him after they started studying for their shared classes together every morning, and soon enough developed a crush on him. But he’d learned a lesson from his tragic car kiss in December, and didn’t take anything any further than it needed to be. His crush on Arthur never developed into anything, and the two stayed strictly friends. 

One more student that Buddy got to know well was Cameron McCormick, who was another actor at the school and spent a lot of time in plays and workshops with Buddy. Thankfully, Buddy never had a crush on Cam. He thought he did a few times, but he knew it was just his brain trying to get over Arthur and the aforementioned lab partner (who he was still thinking of. They hadn’t kept in touch like they said they would, but that didn’t mean Buddy didn’t still think about him way too often). Buddy and Cam became very close, though not as close as Buddy was with Maia. They ran lines together before auditions and during plays, they went to theater productions together, and Buddy’s parents took a real liking to him. The two had no idea in high school just how close they’d be for the rest of their lives, but we’ll come to that later. 

After his parents raised suspicions about his relationship with Maia, Buddy was finally able to come out to them. It took years and years of observing their reactions to homosexual news and celebrities for Buddy to finally feel comfortable saying the words to them, but they ended up very accepting. He’d worked it into a casual conversation at dinner one night, and it was so subtle that his parents both did a double-take on his words before realizing what was going on. They questioned his close friendship with Cam, to which Buddy had to explain that gay people could still have friends. It would be a few years before he came clean about the real reason he had transferred, but his parents laughed at that one and decided it would’ve still been a valid reason. 

Buddy thought he had his life planned out - graduate from ACEPAS, go to some fancy and expensive college and major in acting, and then try to make it somewhere from that. What he didn’t know was that halfway through his senior year, a casting call and open audition for some classified project needing teen actors would appear out of nowhere and present itself to him. He jumped at the opportunity, of course, along with Cam auditioning alongside him. The two weren’t exactly expecting anything out of it, especially since the show’s search was nationwide and going everywhere they could to get the best of the best teens. But low and behold, the two of them were miraculously called back, being flown out to Los Angeles over a weekend to do some more auditions and chemistry reads. By some strange fate, they were both cast on a sitcom - starring teens and aimed at teens. Quicker than either of the boys ever thought, they were employed and launching acting careers, starting them off as .. teenage heartthrobs. They finished out their senior years and graduated from their school, and then began what they’d planned on waiting a lot longer for in their life. October High, a sitcom about an unlikely group of supernatural creatures doubling as teenagers coming together and becoming friends, became a large part of Buddy’s life for six years. He played Newton “Newt” Darling, an outgoing but reserved alien teenager who only recently came to Earth but was thrown into a high school setting and had to try adjusting, bringing some funny moments where he didn’t quite understand Earth and human culture. Of course, Newt was aggressively heterosexual, because nothing else would slide on national television. Cameron played a super popular jock zombie named Frankie Hansen on the show, and being able to work together for so many years strengthened the boys’ friendship enormously. So much, that Buddy was able to come out to Cam after a long friendship of hiding his sexuality in fear of losing another friend to it like he had lost his chemistry crush. Cam took it well, though, and supported Buddy even more after this, if that was even possible. Buddy’s three ACEPAS best friends were some of the greatest people he’d ever met, always doing whatever they could to encourage, love, and support the others and help any of them when anything was needed. 

Becoming a household name for teenagers across America was a weird experience for Buddy. Perhaps the weirdest part was seeing how many teenage girls fell for him and Newt, and not being able to break it to his fans (strange to think about, huh?) that he was not interested in any of them and never would be. Constantly pretending to be someone he wasn’t in press and other celebrity related things was exhausting, but Buddy knew he would simply no longer have a career if he were to ever come clean about who he was and who he loved. Sometimes he wondered if his car kiss (who, yes, he still thought about) ever caught his show or heard his name and remembered. One dark night while he was trying to fall asleep, Buddy’s mind started to spiral and he imagined that old friend group seeing his success and deciding to start telling people about the truth they’d uncovered about him all those years ago. He ended up having a panic attack that night and didn’t sleep at all. 

Stress about his past aside, October High became a good part of what was Buddy’s present. He made some incredible friends, including both the cast and the crew of the show. The main cast was made up of six actors, all around 18 years old at the beginning of the show. The main cast was split up with three boys and three girls, no doubt so that they could pair off perfectly in their straight little world. The other boy that accompanied Buddy and Cam on their side was named Bradley Avon, and on the show, he played the shy and nerdy but lovable werewolf, Reggie Lincoln. Bradley was the youngest of the cast, having only just turned 17, but he wasn’t treated like the baby of the group (if anything, Buddy was), and was almost like their leader. No matter how good of friends they became, Buddy had to admit that Bradley always intimidated him. The three bright young women on the show were all incredible in every way. They were all crazy talented, crazy beautiful, and crazy kind and generous to everyone. Two of them had been friends before being cast, just like Buddy and Cam, but they didn’t let that get in the way of the six hanging out and getting along as a group. The first girl was Alissa Schmidt, who played Holly Blake, a girl artificially created like Frankenstein’s monster, but who came out of that the sweetest and most innocent girl in the entire world. Alissa was like the motherly figure of the group, always making sure everyone was doing alright and constantly letting it be known that anyone could come to her if they needed literally anything - her words. Buddy debated coming out to her a few times while the show was running, knowing she would be supportive and help him in any way, but for some reason, he decided against it until later on in life. Another one of the female actors on the show was Renee Mcbride, who played the alluring and intimidating vampire Erica Fordham. The name of her character was a little too familiar for Buddy, but he brushed that off. Renee was a really nice girl, even if she did try to distance herself from the group sometimes. Buddy didn’t blame her, since she seemed to have a lot going on in her personal life and wasn’t exactly the type to share all of the details of her life story with everyone, being more of a family person than the rest of them. Lastly in the main cast was Jo Wagner, who played April Chambers, the school’s token quirky teenage witch. Jo was almost a little too close to her character’s witchy premise for comfort but tried to make sure she never took anything too far. She was the only one that Buddy didn’t get along with 100% of the time, with the two having a falling out for a little while during filming the show (coincidentally, when their characters were dating). The reason they’d gotten into a bit of a fight was a slightly concerning one, though. Since she was into the supernatural nature that was explored on their show, Jo tried to give her castmates psychic readings one day and was able to accidentally uncover Buddy’s secret. It wasn’t her psychic skills, no. But her reading - which was just a one on one thing, thankfully - stressed Buddy out to the point where he pretty much outed himself. He already hadn’t been having a good day, but he let Jo do her thing anyway to be nice, and it backfired on him very badly. Jo didn’t have a bad response to learning Buddy’s sexuality, but he did get mad at her for putting him in the position of revealing it in the first place. He realized later that he may have been overreacting a bit, especially since he was the one who ultimately revealed it, but it was too late into his anger to resettle things. They eventually, after both holding a bit of a grudge for a while, let everything go without even talking about it. They both felt it was weird to hate each other and it was a strange circumstantial reason, anyway. After they unspokenly made up, Jo became a big supporter in Buddy’s corner. 

While his straight character was taking turns with his friends dating every girl in his friend group, Buddy was doing the opposite. He had decided in his mind that it was safer for him to just never get involved in any other romantics ever. He definitely didn’t want to put himself and whatever unsuspecting partner he might have through trying a straight relationship for the press and the media, and he really didn’t want to fall in love with a boy and have to keep their relationship a secret. So using his logic, he made the executive decision to just not be in any kind of relationship until he could live with himself in the public. He had no clue when that would be, though, so he had pretty much agreed with himself to staying single forever. To be honest, that’s what he felt he needed after the one time he went out of his comfort zone and tried to be with someone. It got a little lonely, of course - especially when his friends and castmates were out living their best love lives right in the public. Maia, whom Buddy was still as close to as ever even with him living in Los Angeles for his career, constantly tried to encourage him to try and live his life. She told him about how she had had a girlfriend while in college and they were able to be together with no one finding out - but Maia wasn’t an actor on a nationally known TV show that teenage girls watched just for her. Buddy was. 

In his closeted solitude, though, Buddy made sure he never turned to things that someone else in the situation might to deal with it. In other words, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. He’d heard stories of secret gay clubs and other underground rings in Hollywood and other big cities, but he never felt drawn to things like that, and especially not to the more raunchy side of it. To be completely honest, he never felt any kind of need for anything like that - he wasn’t sure if that was normal at first, but after realizing that he didn’t know too much about sexuality and ways to identify beyond the more normalized gay lesbian and bisexual, he decided it was probably some other identity he wasn’t aware of. He was obviously still gay and had zero doubts about being attracted to men and wanting to be in relationships with them (like he could), but in his ideal relationships, it was a bit different than what was usual portrayed in whatever media there was portraying them. He’d first known something was probably off in high school when everyone around him was constantly talking about, in a specific kid’s words, “doing it”, and he never felt any desire to chime in or do the same, but back then he’d just attributed it to the gay thing. It wasn’t until later that he realized it was probably a bit more than that. 

Eventually, when he started to branch off in his career and do more than just October High, Buddy had to get a publicist, and his Hollywood reputation was under even closer eyes. He was constantly questioned on why he didn’t have a girlfriend because apparently everyone thought “he and that Frankenstein girl were perfect for each other!”, especially considering their characters on the show ended up together by the end of the six seasons. He, obviously not to just come clean about the real reason, told his publicist for years that they were just friends and didn’t want to ruin their friendship - which wasn’t a lie at all, so at least he was being somewhat truthful. It was one of those lies, like most of what he had started saying in the public eye, that was still true, but just not the entire truth. Though he hated lying, he’d kind of been doing it his entire life, and so he got good at it. Lying for your own safety is justifiable, right? 

Like mentioned earlier, while still on the show, Buddy started to branch out more in his acting career and get involved in more projects. Though he truly loved October High, Buddy longed badly to do something more serious and be able to tell a different kind of story: a story that would leave people thinking; a story that would tell a meaningful story; a story that would mean something to someone on a deeper level. One of Buddy’s first major projects outside of the show was a very psychological and thrilling murder mystery by a debuting young director. Somehow, he was able to get the lead role, and this darker and more profound role brought Buddy into the conversation for becoming a more serious actor. He even received a few nods for his performance in it, but didn’t win any awards. A few more roles found their way to him, though there weren’t many as big as this original debut for a while. October High ended, with the characters getting the nice endings they deserved, even if some fans didn’t agree with the relationships that were finalized. Buddy was always pretty happy about Newt ending up with Holly, feeling like, from his perspective, they fit together well. He also loved Alissa and was happy they got to end the show together. Buddy did always love, though, getting deep into the fanbase and seeing the small number of fans making their own version of the story, with some of the characters being gay. It was a minuscule hidden amount of people, but the ones who wished Reggie and Frankie ended up together, or April and Erica could’ve gotten together, were certainly there and gave Buddy a glimmer of hope that one day he could be accepted. 

Buddy continued doing films and a few TV appearances for a few years, basically picking up whatever he was interested in and could get. He ventured through a few genres, doing some movies with very specific niches, doing some broad dramas, and even doing a rom-com once. Being an actor seemed to be a very good career for a closeted gay kid, since having to kiss girls constantly in roles was always acting for him, both in the career sense and the genuine life sense. There were even debates from your typical teenage girl fans on if he was a good kisser or not based on the movies and shows where he kissed girls, which Buddy found absolutely hysterical. He just kind of existed in the industry at this point, though, and wasn’t too much of a standout anymore. That is, until, eight years after October High ended, when he booked a big role in a movie with an incredibly talented and renowned director. This film was a seriously thought-provoking and out of the box science fiction piece, with a lot of confusing but brilliant details within that, with the director’s reputation, pretty much destined it to be a well-received classic.

When Buddy really got deep into his character’s mind during filming, he decided that his character was gay. He kind of unintentionally always ended up doing that, but this one felt more personal to him for whatever reason. His decision on his character’s sexuality wasn’t something he would ever convey too obviously or tell anyone on the creative team, but it was a nice reassuring thought to have for himself. He played up his chemistry and on-screen relationship with another male co-star, who he felt almost definitely caught on to what Buddy was doing, and tried to make his forced straight romance as forced as it could be while still doing justice to the script. The director never got mad at him for his acting in those scenes, so he figured he’d scraped by and been able to fulfill his duty. So, the movie came out and did indeed become an instant classic. It was well regarded, well-reviewed, and deeply analyzed. Though Buddy was sure at least one gay person out there had to have seen his portrayal of his character and seen the signs, it wasn’t an obvious choice that he’d made and he was able to get away with it. He was excited to one day come out and be able to openly talk about this decision he made while filming, and that was one thing that kept him going. Though he wasn’t sure when it would be, the one thing that kept him going through his fight of keeping his life private was the promise he made to himself that he would come out one day. Whether it was the next day or on his death bed when he was 102, it didn’t matter.

His acting career continued. His somewhat lonely life continued. He’d condemned himself to the lonely life, yes, but it still hurt. He did have tons of friends, of course, like his three best friends from high school that he still was very close to and hung out with a ton, and his close castmates from all of his projects, but mostly October High. His friends got him through a lot, especially when he was struggling with his identity and trying to keep it a secret, but he wished this whole time that he had someone more. He wished he could have someone in his life that he could be open with and be proud of. He thought of Point Place boy. He wondered what he was up to these days. He considered trying to find and reach out to him a few times, but he decided against it every time. 

There were really no big changes in Buddy’s life and job until about eight years after his big and memorable sci-fi escapade. A project in pre-production was brought to his attention: an insanely progressive film entitled Hydrangea Hyacinths: a dramatic teen movie centering around a lesbian. Buddy didn’t know why he specifically was offered a role in the film, but it excited him beyond belief. The opportunity to be apart of something that would no doubt mean so much to young gay teens? Something that could help normalize LGBT plotlines and characters? Something that he could express himself through, even if no one knew he was doing so? This film was going to make history and change the lives of so many teens who could possibly be in the same position Buddy had been in while he was in high school in having to hide and live in fear every day. It was everything he’d ever wanted in a film, and he took the role in an instant. 

Buddy was set to play a teacher at the school of the lead and her love interest - his teacher character would be like a comforting almost father-like figure to all of his students. This was a really exciting role for him to approach, and the more he dove into his character (that was his thing - going deep into his characters’ minds and making sure he knew all of their ins and outs before playing them), the more he wished he had had some kind of figure like this in his life as a teenager. Filming the scenes where he consoled and gave advice to the main character (Courtney Hale, played by an incredible up and coming actress named Jacqueline Fisher - whom Buddy knew was going to be big someday) comforted him, but also just made him long even more for an experience like this. This did continue to reassure him, though, reminding him that there were teenagers at that very moment who were like how he had been in high school. If even just one gay teen was able to find comfort in this movie and this story, it was good for him. 

It did raise one concern though. Of course, his character wasn’t gay. His character didn’t have to be played by someone gay, and as far as everyone else knew, he wasn’t. But when interviews and press for the film started, how was Buddy supposed to explain his reasons for being in the movie and for it meaning so much to him? Yes, you didn’t have to be directly affected by an issue like homophobia or even lack of representation for it to matter to you - this was a fact that he knew. But the level of which the movie was important to him and the way, by the end, it was probably the thing he was proudest of in his entire career - how was he supposed to speak about that as a straight man? How was he supposed to voice his concern about and bring attention to the things gay teenagers face every day - which he so badly wanted to - without sounding suspicious for knowing all of it? 

That was why, at the red carpet premiere of the film, while getting interviewed, Buddy had a panic attack. The interviewer had been asking about the great importance of the film to underrepresented communities, and how it was going to mean a lot to them. She asked Buddy to speak on that and how he felt about his involvement with it, along with why it seemed to mean so much to him. Even though he’d been doing the “pretend you’re straight” thing for 22 years in his career, and even longer in his life, all of his skill at this ruse left his body at these questions. He was a professional actor, goddammit, and wasn’t able to act his way out of it. And so, in struggling to answer the question, Buddy’s breathing started to get uneasy and his heart started to beat faster. His hands started to shake and his entire body started to sweat. He realized what was happening and had to excuse himself from the interview, praying to god that he hadn’t made an obvious fool of himself, and ran off of the carpet and into the theater, frantically looking for a bathroom where he could splash cold water in his face, just like every stressed character in every movie does. When he was finally able to calm himself down, after giving himself an aggressive and slightly self-deprecating pep talk (including but not limited to creative and vulgar hits such as, “You absolute piece of shit” and “Just be fucking normal for one night, is that too hard, dumbass?”), he found his humiliated way back to the carpet but chose to stay away from interviewers for the rest of the night. When they got into the theater to screen the movie, Jacqueline checked on him, clearly very concerned. Buddy assured her that he was doing okay, and had just gotten a bit overwhelmed by the lights and cameras for some reason. It was a bad excuse, especially considering he’d been in much bigger films with much bigger premieres, but she seemed to buy it. Buddy really began to wish he’d brought Maia as his plus one like he’d been hoping to but ultimately decided not to, since he didn’t want to have to deal with dating rumors, and didn’t want her to have to either. She always knew how to calm him down and talk to him about these types of things - and he didn’t have anyone at the premiere that he was comfortably out to. It felt weird that he hadn’t come out to any of his castmates on a gay movie, since he knew that their involvement in the film meant they would be accepting of him, but he guessed he just didn’t feel the exact comfort level with any of them that he usually tried to reach before opening up to someone. In his stress, he considered impulsively coming clean and spilling his guts to literally anyone who worked on the film and just being able to get it all out, but he thought that his coming out experiences, since they were so rare, should be more graceful than that. Also, he decided that it could wait. He called Maia as soon as he got home after. 

The blunder at the Hydrangea Hyacinths premiere got Buddy thinking. The movie, while getting expected backlash from homophobes and bigoted old white men, actually did pretty well. So many messages from grateful young people flooded in, and every single one of them meant the world to Buddy. He wanted so badly to be able to speak out and tell all of them that he knew what they were going through and that he had been there too. If he’d wanted to come out before, this movie put him on a whole new level of wanting to put himself out there. 

And so, after a few weeks of intense debates with himself every night when he tried to fall asleep, Buddy made a decision. He was finally going to come out. But how?

Luckily, his good friend from OctHigh, Alissa Schmidt, was able to go a different path with her career and was now the host of a talk show. It was a great accomplishment and it always warmed Buddy’s heart to see how proud of her show Alissa was. He knew that he wanted to be in a safe and comfortable position when finally exposing the giant secret he’d been hiding since the first time he ever watched The Brady Bunch, and Alissa’s show, where everything was very wholesome and down to earth, along with having the sweetest host ever, was just that position and place. He had come out to her a few years before, actually telling her while at a reunion party for their show when they were alone in a room. She had offered him endless support in the moment, even hugging him the second he finished speaking. When Buddy asked her if she’d known, she’d answered with a small and open-ended, “Well, you’re a good actor,”.

When Buddy approached Alissa with his idea to come onto The Alissa Hour to promote Hydrangea Hyacinths and then go into a more personal matter and publicly declare his sexuality, she was incredibly emotional and honored that he trusted her with such a big deal. She was also ecstatic and immediately agreed, even before it went through her showrunners and through Buddy’s management. He had made the decision that, besides letting them know of his appearance on the show, he wasn’t going to brief his publicist or agent or anyone else of that flavor, and they could just deal with the aftermath when it happened. It was a bit of a dick move on his part, considering how much he was presumably about to change his career, but at the end of the day, it was his life and his decision. 

So, the day of Buddy’s interview on The Alissa Hour arrived. People had been very excited upon hearing the news that he was showing up since the fans always loved it whenever members of the OctHigh cast would reunite. Alissa’s show was very much unscripted, per her request and fight for it, so they came up with a vague idea of the things they would talk about in the interview and called it. Before the show went live (Alissa’s show was also unique in the fact that it was aired live every day - unlike other daytime talk shows of the time), Alissa and Buddy stood backstage together just offering unspoken support to one another, obviously one more than the other. Then, Alissa went out on her stage and did the opening of her show. 

Buddy’s appearance on the show and his interview were set for the end, mostly because they wanted to make sure if anything went incredibly wrong, it would be easy for them to cut away and stop the show there. They were definitely preparing for the worst and hoping that their precautions taken would end up far from needed. He sat backstage for a while, listening to Alissa doing her thing while he sat in a dressing room and his body went through every physical symptom of his anxiety he had ever developed in his life - tapping his foot and bouncing his leg uncontrollably, cracking his knuckles, fiddling with his fingers, obsessively messing with his hair. He didn’t get too anxious anymore in his life, having gotten used to the things that used to scare him immensely, like interviews and filming. The past few months, though, his anxiety had gotten worse than it had been in years, and it was definitely due to his thoughts and feelings surrounding Hydrangea Hyacinths and where he belonged in it. Soon enough, he got a five-minute warning from a producer and was on his way towards the entrance to the stage. He took as many deep breaths as the time would let him, and he was quite proud of himself when he was able to walk on the stage when announced and not faint or collapse on the spot. It was crazy to him that he was able to get through that entire day without having a horrible panic attack, but that walk in front of everyone felt like his greatest test. 

When he got on, he and Alissa hugged and she snuck a few whispers to him while they embraced. He specifically remembered the words, “You’ve got this. I am right here for you if you need it. I love you so much, Bud.”

The first part of the interview was a blur. They sat down and both talked about the film: Buddy talked about Jacqueline and how he knew she was going to be a big star one day, Alissa talked about how much she had loved the movie, and Buddy talked about his character and how cool it was to be able to play someone who offered support to those who needed it. Without trying to do some kind of movie-related segue, Alissa simply went into the next subject the way they had agreed on it. 

“So, Buddy, you told me you had a very important and personal announcement that you wanted to make on my show. Um, do you wanna take it away?”

Buddy took the deepest breath he had probably ever taken in his life. He smiled incredibly genuinely at Alissa, and then turned to face the audience and camera, but still making sure he wasn’t completely turned away, in case he needed her for support. “Uh yeah, sure. I do actually have a super personal announcement to make. I wanted to make sure I was in a comfortable space for it, so this setting was kind of ideal,” he said, nervously laughing and shrugging at the end, like he did to get through all conversations he felt awkward in. He’d gotten so good at controlling his body through stressful situations and encounters that he was masking his shaking hands without noticing, and regulating his breathing without having to consciously try. 22 years of hiding from the public had built up to his one moment. 30 years of keeping a secret mainly to himself had built up to this moment (though, at the beginning of those 30 years, this was certainly not the exact moment Buddy would have imagined). Every single repressed feeling and thought he had had for the last 30 years of his life was finally going to be freed in an instant, as long as he could get out 2 small words. A moment that fantasizing about had gotten him through his darkest times was just seconds away from happening, as long as he could speak and no longer allow himself to be afraid. He looked at Alissa and she smiled. He looked at his hands, which weren’t visibly shaking, but had the butterfly feeling in them (yes, in his hands). He thought of car kiss boy and laughed. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and closer to his face with his finger and swallowed. He spoke again. “I’ve been keeping, uh, I guess a secret, for my whole career now. Even longer.” He tried to scan the audience’s faces. What were they thinking? What did they think his deep, dark, dirty little secret was? How many had already guessed? Did they guess five seconds ago, five years ago? How did they know? What gave him away? What slipped through his meticulous planning and careful word choice? 

How many times had he said the words? Why were they so hard now? He tried to count. Tommy, Eric, Maia, his parents, Cameron, Jo, Alissa. He just had to add, well, the entire world. Two words, five letters, two punctuation marks. It wasn’t that hard. The satisfaction that would come after saying the words would overweigh the fear of saying them, right? So many years of hiding and pretending would no longer be needed. After such a long time of not thinking about his high school years in terms of education, a quote from 10th grade English popped into his head. “No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” Buddy’s teacher had made everyone in the class memorize that line and write a four-paragraph essay analysis on it, and it was burned into his mind forever. He had seen some of the meaning in it before, and even related it to his life back then, but had way more of a connection to the old 1800s quote now. He couldn’t keep wearing one face to himself and another to the world, or else he may never be able to be himself ever again. 

“I’m gay.” A dam broke open, and everything Buddy had felt for 30 years rushed out. 

There were a lot of reactions to his revelation, to say the least. 

His management team had been pretty pissed when it first happened and had a few long talks with him about how he couldn’t just “say whatever the fuck he wanted whenever he wanted”, but after a lot of deep explanation and reasoning from Buddy, they eased off. A ton of his friends and castmates from previous works reached out to him and offered their support, like the cast of October High and even the male co-star from the sci-fi film that had unspokenly helped him construct a gay romance. A few old friends were deafeningly silent, but no one actively came to Buddy with hate in their hearts and coming from their mouths. He was incredibly grateful for the lack of that side of the response. 

The general public was somewhat in the middle. He did receive a lot of support, especially from the gay community welcoming him and thanking him for his bravery and sharing of his story. He started to speak out about his experience growing up gay and closeted in a small Wisconsin town in the 70s and found it very reassuring that people cared about what he had to say. He did, though, receive a lot of negativity from the more close-minded people in the world, of which there are a lot. The general reaction from these people was the typical homophobia of the time, and nothing was too out of the ordinary from their kind. Buddy had dealt with this to some degree for his entire life and had a lot of time to prepare himself for this response. It obviously still hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been if he didn’t ready himself for it over the long amount of time he was hiding. 

One of his biggest fears in coming out had been losing his career. He was scared that the film industry would blacklist him and he would never get to pursue his biggest passion or express himself through the art of film again. Miraculously, he ended up safe from that fate. He even, a few years down the line, won an Academy Award for best actor in a supporting role after giving an incredible performance in a courtroom drama. This made him the first openly gay actor to win this award while publically out, and it was hard for Buddy to even comprehend how much this meant to him and how much of an honor it was. History making aside, it also meant a lot to win the award, since it started to diminish any doubts he had had about himself and his abilities for the entirety of his career. He also throughout his continuing career got the opportunity to do a few runs on Broadway, starring in a few plays and getting back to some of the thespian roots he had from ACEPAS.

Not too long after coming out, Buddy finally decided to reach out to his first kiss. After all, he might not have become an actor if the kid hadn’t rejected him so violently (at least, the way Buddy and his old teenage heart remembered it). He was able to find him and set up a time where they could grab a meal together and catch up after being apart and not speaking for so long. When they met up and Buddy laid eyes on him for the first time in over 20 years, it was like- well, he wasn’t sure. It was a feeling like nothing he had ever felt, and he had no idea what was all a part of it. Years of lingering feelings, maybe. Some sort of resentment, probably. Strange gratefulness, sure. Nostalgia for his weird teen years in a very weird decade, of course. But mainly, it seemed to be some confusing sense of relief. He had been the second person Buddy had ever come out to, and the second person he had ever felt comfortable sharing that part of his life with. Of course, the way he shared that part of his life with him specifically was a lot different than he had done with anyone else, but his point still stood. It made Buddy happy to see that this man, who had definitely seemed a tad homophobic back in the day, was accepting of him and even comfortable enough to hang out with him. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it felt like it was. He had no idea what the guy’s life was like at the moment - he hadn’t asked him any specifics when setting up the meal so that they could have more to talk about in person - but was glad to see that he was doing well. God knows how many times Buddy had thought about him in the last 23 or so years, and he thought it was super cool to see that he was still a real person and not just a figment of Buddy’s imagination. 

Their lunch ended up being almost cathartic. They talked about so much - their lives since they lost touch, their lives at the moment, their old friends, their careers, their relationships, their plans for the future, and more. It turns out, Eric hadn’t ended up with the girl he was enthralled with when the two were friends - that didn’t surprise Buddy at all after everything that had been described to him about that relationship back in the day. Their conflicting relationship was a big part of the reason Buddy was convinced Eric was gay in the first place and decided to make a move. Instead, the two had stayed friends but decided a romantic relationship wasn’t the best for them. He’d dated other people, but unfortunately never found the so-called one, and so, even in this time where it was seen as strange for someone to not be married at their age, he had never been married. Buddy would be lying if he said this revelation didn’t give him a tiny bit of hope - though he definitely tried to push it away, reminding himself that he had had a crush on this guy over 20 years ago, not 20 minutes ago. He made sure that he told Eric the slightly sad but also kind of hilarious story about how it was his rejection that pushed Buddy into pursuing acting and Eric, while genuinely apologetic for the trauma he had caused his friend, couldn’t help but try and take credit for Buddy’s entire career. It was this banter and joking relationship they’d shared as friends that Buddy missed so much. The two hadn’t been friends for that long before a certain car ride ruined their friendship, but those few days where they were close and spending time together, crush aside, where some of Buddy’s happiest memories from his teenage years. The two clicked so well back then, and Buddy kicked himself every day for ruining what they had. He also sometimes wished he hadn’t reacted so drastically and literally transferred schools, but when he’d weighed what could’ve happened - one small friendship and possible bullying VS. pursuing his greatest passion as a career and succeeding in it - he wouldn’t change anything if given the chance. 

After an insightful and very long conversation about their lives and everything in between - they’d sat at their table after finishing their food for a while before deciding that they were being obnoxious and going on a walk through town to keep talking - the two decided to keep being friends and made yet another promise to each other to keep in touch (though they would both keep up their end this time, unlike the first). The only thing that didn’t come up in that long lunch was their feelings towards each other and if there were any left or newly found, and Buddy was infinitely grateful for that. Partly because he really had no idea what his feelings then were, and partly because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship again in case he really did have something lingering in him. 

Perhaps one of the greatest things that came in Buddy’s life after finally coming out was his film. It hadn’t been long after his oscar win that he had felt inspired by that magical night and the absolute love for the art of the film that the entire room shared. A vision came to him: a film based on his teenage years. Of course, with some modification to make it more interesting and more like movie content, but still with the same premise - a gay teenager in the midwest in the 1970s. Soon enough, he got Maia on board to write it with him and decided he could be up to the challenge of directing. With a basic idea of the plot and story (Buddy’s teenage years and what would have happened if he hadn’t transferred), they were, by some miracle, able to find a production company to greenlight their film, and they got to work. The two were very involved in the process of hiring creatives and workers, trying their hardest to get as many LGBTQ+ people on the staff as they could, including but not limited to their cinematographer, production designer, costume designer, and makeup and hairstyle artist. In fact, the only straight person they had consciously hired was their old musician friend Arthur James to do the score, since they wanted to include him and knew he would go above and beyond with his task. In all the gay roles, young gay actors were cast, and Buddy was able to mentor them and, sometimes, feel outshined by them. 

An incredibly talented actor and new-comer named Neil Gilmour played Joey Corman, who Buddy had established as his self-insert. Buddy, by the end of production, felt very close to Neil and saw a lot of himself in the kid. He also loved seeing Neil so young and being able to live his life outwardly, and not hiding in fear like Buddy had been at that age. It gave him a sense of hope for the young people of the future. 

Maia had been written into the script as a student Joey met after being abandoned by his rich kid friends when the secret of him being gay got out - since he didn’t transfer, he couldn’t have met her at a new school, so she was just a student that he had never paid attention to at school before. Millie Paulson, as the character was named, was played by an actress named Nari Watson, who had grown up in the industry and acted since she could talk. She gave a beautiful performance and, almost embarrassingly, didn’t fail to make Buddy cry at least once every single day on set. 

The final important role in the film was Eddie Foster, based on none other than Eric Forman. Buddy had gone to Eric while in the early stages of developing the film to make sure it was okay with him if he included their old story and encounter into the film, and was hesitant to tell him that he was planning on giving their inspired characters a happy ending together. Buddy had no clue if he was doing this because he still had lingering feelings, he knew he still had them back then, or he just so badly wanted at least one version of himself to be happy in his teen years. Eric was surprisingly and thankfully fine with it and even became pretty involved with the film - especially the casting of his character. Eddie’s role had been filled by Brian Jamison, who was a completely unknown actor with no experience. That scared the creative team a bit, but Buddy couldn’t ignore or turn down the absolute faith Eric had in the kid and wasn’t sure he wanted to. Brian ended up being a great choice, and he embodied the character they’d written for him so well that Buddy made sure to thank Eric at every chance he got for his help. Obviously, he wasn’t a filmmaker, but he liked to show up to set sometimes, check-in on Buddy, and just see how things were going.

The film ended up being the thing Buddy was most proud of in his life. It almost felt like it was what everything in this life had led him to, and he hoped it meant even a tiny bit as much to someone else as it did to him. The Academy Awards that season came, and he became even more proud when Nari won the award for best actress in a supporting role for Millie, and Maia fucking Hudson won for best original screenplay. He watched both of their acceptance speeches that night with tears in his eyes and had never felt more pride than he did then. It was hard to believe Maia had been his best friend for about 30 years at that point, and even harder to believe that they’d both gotten to watch the other win an oscar and give an acceptance speech. Buddy, though he was up for best director and also up for best picture through producing, didn’t give any speeches that night. That wasn’t what mattered to him, though - the movie meant the world to him, meant the world to Maia, meant the world to the cast, and hopefully meant the world to gay teenagers and adults all over the world. 

In his life, Buddy had realized a lot of things about the cards he’d been dealt at his birth. He was rich, he was white, he had loving parents (busy, but always willing to put their son and their love for him ahead of work), he had accepting friends, he had education and work opportunities others didn’t, he had talent, he had a specific passion that he was able to make a career out of, and he had people who supported him through everything. He knew he was lucky, and continued throughout his life to recognize this and do his best to make up for this by giving to others and being the kindest he could possibly be to everyone, just like he had in high school. Buddy knew that his position as an openly gay celebrity in the late 1990s and early 2000s was an important one, and so he continued to speak up about his experiences and the hardships that the entire community had to face. Obviously, he hadn’t faced the most discrimination in his life - others weren’t as lucky as he was to be somewhat straight-passing his entire time in the closet - but he couldn’t help but feel that having to keep his secret for so long and not be able to live his life the way he intended had hindered his entire life experience. He constantly thought about what could’ve been different if he had come out earlier - 20 years earlier, 10 years earlier, one year earlier, six months earlier. Anything would’ve made some kind of difference, but he never knew exactly what. If he had been his true self earlier, would it have been the trainwreck that he had been expecting it to be? Would he have been alienated from the industry and never allowed back, or would he have been welcomed with open arms and allowed to continue a normal career while living as the person he really was? There were so many questions and absolutely no answers. But in the end, there was nothing Buddy would change about his life. Every single decision he had ever made had brought him to the life he was leading, and though there were a few hiccups, he would say it was a pretty damn good one.

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo!!! i hope you enjoyed!! this was so so so fun for me to write and i hope that anyone who may have read it got at least some joy out of it. it feels good to finally get my version of buddy out there for maybe someone else to understand and adopt. 
> 
> comments and kudos are very very much appreciated if you liked it!! thank you!! <33


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